My aha moment took place in 1994, when I went to the Russian River Jazz Festival with some friends. Between acts, the woman sitting on the blanket over from ours and I started a conversation. In the middle of the conversation, she grabbed my hand and said, ‘There’s something I need to tell you. It’s really important that you understand that everyone is responsible for their own happiness.’

I looked at her, sort of puzzled, and said, ‘Why are you compelled to tell me that?’ And she said, ‘Well, there’s something really sad in your eyes. I have this feeling that the happiness has gone out of your life.’

The reality was, she picked something up that I was giving off. Two years earlier, I had ended a tumultuous 14-year relationship. I had gone through a period of really debilitating self-esteem issues and just sort of looking at life in a very negative vein. I was approaching 50, thinking, ‘What’s going to happen to me now?’

I reflected on what she said and I’ve continued to do that over the last 14 years. There are many things in life we don’t control. But how we define and achieve our own personal happiness really is up to us. And that simplifies life.

One of the things I decided to do was dress in really cheerful clothes. It makes me happy when I look in the mirror.

It’s how you perceive things when events happen. I just lost my job. Rather than focusing on, ‘Oh, I’m out of work, what’s going to happen?’ I see it as a new challenge. I’ve been looking at different ways of earning income and finding ways to survive.

An aha moment is a moment in which you come to a realization about something critical to life. An answer comes to you that helps you live your life in a better, more constructive way.